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Road House Review: Unnecessary and soulless attempt at reviving a classic film falls flat in every possible aspect

For fans of the original Road House, you might have high hopes for this remake. Unfortunately, those hopes are mercilessly dashed within the first few minutes. This unnecessary and soulless attempt at reviving a classic film falls flat in every possible aspect.

Road House stars Jake Gyllenhaal as Dalton, an ex-UFC fighter trying to escape his dark past and his penchant for violence, in this adrenaline-fueled actioner. Dalton is barely scraping by on the reputation that still precedes him when he is spotted by Frankie (Jessica Williams), owner of a roadhouse in the Florida Keys. She hires him to be her new bouncer in hopes of stopping a violent gang, working for crime boss Brandt (Billy Magnussen), from destroying her beloved bar. Even five to one, Brandt’s crew is no match for Dalton’s skills. But the stakes get higher with the arrival of ruthless gun-for-hire, Knox (Conor McGregor). As the brutal brawls and bloodshed escalate, the tropical Keys prove more dangerous than anything Dalton ever faced in the Octagon. Also starring Daniela Melchior, Joaquim De Almeida, Lukas Gage.

Starting with the script – or lack thereof. It’s as if the writers took the original script, tossed it into a blender with clichés from every action movie ever made, and hit the “puree” button. The result? A mishmash of recycled dialogue, predictable plot twists and asanign quip during the fight sequences that left me rolling my eyes so hard, you would be forgiven for people mistaking you for the WWE’s Undertaker.

Road House starring Jake Gyllenhaal as Dalton on Screen One
BILLY MAGNUSSEN and JAKE GYLLENHAAL star in ROADHOUSE Photo: LAURA RADFORD © AMAZON CONTENT SERVICES LLC

The acting is equally as shocking. It’s as if the entire cast attended the Keanu Reeves School of Emotionless Delivery. Every line is delivered with all the passion of a malfunctioning robot, leaving the viewer wondering if they were reading their lines off cue cards for the first time. Jake Gyllenhaal who is usually the best thing to watch, has a weird idiotic grin on his face most of the time (to try and presumably make you blieve that he’s a ‘Man on the edge about to tip over’). Conor McGregor making his acting debut, who roams around the screen like hes just finished off 20 bottles of his Proper No. Twelve Whiskey and probably alos consumed copius amounts of white powder is so over the top, you’re almost begging for someone to shoot him *spoiler* they don’t.

But perhaps the biggest disappointment of all is the fight sequences. In a film like Road House, you expect the fight scenes to be gritty, intense, and, above all, memorable. Instead, we’re treated to a series of passe choreographed brawls that lack any real sense of danger or excitement. I’ve seen more convincing fights in a kindergarten playground. Plus it’s very odd that the UFC would allow a ridiculous sequence for the backstory that has Dalton maul his opponent in the octagon despite the referee stopping the bout. The UFC and pretty much every MMA promotion ever are all about fighter safety and are deeply defensive about maintaining that, so to allow this ridiculous sequence is beyond belief.

In the end, this remake is nothing more than a sad cash grab that tarnishes the legacy of the original Road House. Save yourself the time and the agony – stick to the Patrick Swayze classic and pretend this abomination never happened.

Rating: 1.5 out of 5.
Road House movie poster on Screen One

Road House is available to stream Worldwide on Amazon Prime now

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