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Review: The Bezonians

Everyone likes a Guy Ritchie crime drama, in fact so much so that we often see a plethora of knock offs like one of those local markets that are selling Gucci knock offs. However, despite dressing them up as the real thing, they usually come apart at the seams in fairly short order and The Bezonians is the latest evidence of this.

In the Bezonians social club in North London, a group of down and outs scheme, plot and dream of becoming rich and breaking out of the monotony of their dreary and financially impotent lives.

In a poorly put together film, Savvas D. Michael (Who stars as ‘ladies man and enigma Achilles) has flattered to deceive with The Bezonians. It looks glossy enough and it tries to tick all the boxes, however. It’s all terribly staid, with a Poundland Lock, Stock story complete with Vinnie Jones cameo, that is paraded on the front cover as if he is one of the main characters, poorly scripted and equally weakly executed.

It’s main problem is, the cast of characters are equally as vapid and dislikable as each other. Featuring one of quite frankly one of the most offensive representations of someone with mental health issues (Jamie Crew), it doesn’t do anything new with the genre, characterisations to make you even want to care.

It even takes over half the movies run time to get to the main driving plot, which again is lifted out of Lock, Stock (A Poker game gone awry) is treated like a afterthought. It doesn’t even move the film on to anywhere you need it to go and, with Vinnie Jones character ‘Willard Greb’ who is painted as the devil incarnate and some sort of unstoppable conscious free monster, is simply swept away in the matter of minutes. Star Trek The Next Generation’s Marina Sirtis also turns up for a quick payday as the wife of Andreas Karras ‘Plato’ is blink and you miss it stuff. Lois Babin-Platt as the conniving Lola is the only one who comes out of The Bezonians with any semblance of credit.

It’s all very well going for this style of movie, but make it interesting and watchable at least. The Bezonians does none of things and winds up being a drab, unlikable affair that you will likely forget about before the end credits have even started rolling.

Rating: 1.5 out of 5.

The Bezonians is available on Digital and DVD now.

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